Your options for legal or financial advice on separation if you were living together

A mediator can help you and your ex-partner sort out children, housing and financial matters. They don’t take sides or give advice. Instead, they can help you work towards an agreement. More solicitors specialising in family law are now also trained mediators.

Mediation works best where you trust each other to be open and honest. If you and your ex-partner can’t talk about who should look after the children or how you’ll divide your money, mediation might not be suitable.

For most people, it is not now possible to get legal aid for divorce, separation or legal issues involving children but you may be able to get legal aid for mediation if you qualify. So if you and your ex-partner are willing to use it and your affairs are straightforward it can be a way of sorting things out between you.

Mediation is not appropriate where there has been domestic abuse – including where one partner is controlling or intimidating. If you have been a recent victim of domestic abuse you can apply for legal aid.

 A mediator will tell you whether your situation is suitable for mediation.

• It can be quicker and cheaper than a traditional lawyer-led divorce or dissolution. And couples can feel more in control of the agreement.
• It’s flexible, so you can use it to agree some areas of your divorce or dissolution but not others.
• All sessions are confidential. That means if you can’t reach agreement and go to court, your solicitor can’t use what’s been said in the sessions.
• Mediators can’t give legal advice. That means it’s important to see a solicitor before you start mediation so you know your rights.
• You will need a solicitor to draw up a legal agreement formalising anything you’ve agreed.

A Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting usually costs about £100-£200. If you need more sessions, they cost more. And fees can vary depending on where you live.

You might be able to get legal aid pay mediation to help costs, but it is means-tested.

For England and Wales, find out more about fees on the Family Mediation Council websiteOpens in a new window

For Northern Ireland, separated parents who have not yet begun court proceedings can make use of the mediation service for free. Find out more about the mediation service at nidirectOpens in a new window or visiting The Law Society of Northern IrelandOpens in a new window

For Scotland, contact Scottish Mediation to enquire about the costOpens in a new window

• A solicitor might give you information about your financial entitlement that you wouldn’t otherwise be aware of. If your ex-partner won’t negotiate with you, using a solicitor might be more effective than trying to sort it out directly. Most solicitors offer fixed-fee services or capped rates, which can be cost effective.
• A solicitor can be very expensive, although costs will vary depending on the law firm, where it’s based and how complicated your divorce or dissolution is.

You can find a solicitor:

• In England or Wales, on the Resolution website. Solicitors who are members of Resolution are committed to minimising confrontation during relationship breakdown. If you prefer, you can find a solicitor on the Law Society website
• In Northern Ireland, on the Law Society of Northern Ireland website
• In Scotland, on the Family Law Association (FLA) website. FLA members are committed to minimising confrontation during relationship breakdown. If you prefer, you can find a family lawyer on the Law Society of Scotland website

In family arbitration, you and your partner choose an arbitrator. They decide on financial and property disputes, or some child-related issues arising. The decision will be final and binding.

Family arbitration helps couples going through family breakdown to resolve disputes confidentially – that’s quicker, more flexible and less formal than a courtroom.

Collaborative family lawyers can help you reach an agreement through a series of meetings with your ex-partner. You and your ex-partner will each hire your own collaborative family lawyer.

• You all sign an agreement not to go to court.
• You agree to work together to resolve the issues between you.
• Meetings are usually face-to-face with all four of you present. 

Couples who live together don’t often use these lawyers as they can be expensive.

You can find a collaborative family lawyer in:

• England or Wales: the Resolution website
• Northern Ireland: the A friendly divorce website
• Scotland: the Relationships Scotland website

To find the average cost in England and Wales for legal services, use the Legal Service Board prices dashboardOpens in a new window. Select ‘average divorce prices’ and the top of the screen, then select the option that applies to you. 

You can use an accountant to value assets – for example, a business.

Some accountants specialise in assessing whether someone is downplaying the value of a business they own. They’re called ‘forensic accountants’.

They’re experts in valuing businesses – which a lawyer wouldn’t usually have experience in. But they can be expensive.

You can find a chartered accountant:

• in England or Wales, on the website of the Institute of Chartered Accountants in England and Wales
• in Northern Ireland, on the Chartered Accountants Ireland website
• in Scotland, on the Institute of Chartered Accountants in Scotland website

An actuary is a specialist who can provide an accurate valuation of a final salary or other salary-related pension.

If you were living together and then separate, you’re unlikely to use an actuary. This is because – unlike divorce or dissolution – one partner doesn’t have to share their pension with the other.

But if you want your pension to be taken into account when dividing assets, an actuary might be useful – depending on the type of pension.

You can find an actuary on the Institute and Faculty of Actuaries website.

A financial adviser can help you divide your assets in the most tax-efficient way. They can also advise you on investing the proceeds of a house sale or similar.

You’ll have to pay for their services – usually an hourly rate or a fixed fee. If your finances are complicated and you have joint assets, their specialist advice and expertise might be especially.

Or, for financial advisers based in England or Wales who are accredited as experts in separation, go to the Resolution website

If you separate and aren’t married or in a civil partnership, you still might have to pay legal fees.

If you can’t pay them from your savings or income, find out what your options are in our guide How to pay legal fees when you separate if you were living together.